How to Deal with Stress: From the Distance of the Moon
February 27, 2012 1 Comment
Stress takes its toll upon my body. My neck really aches. You too? My lower back is on the fritz. You too? If it’s Wednesday, it must be a migraine. Thursday? Probably a bad digestion day.
Like Wi-Fi, sometimes stress feels like it is beaming in from everywhere.
We love our jobs; we hate the stress. We love our families; we hate the fighting. Let’s tell the truth: stress is the source of nearly every illness.
Mastering it may be the source of wisdom.
When we discuss the solutions to the problem of stress certain words keep coming up. Balance. Exercise. Meditation. Yoga. Spirit. Letting go.
Stress is killing us. What do we do? I know only the things that work for me. And the only thing that really works takes a lot of practice.
It’s called detachment.
Detachment is not easy. When you do it well, you can compartmentalize your stress, manage it, and even find ways to set it free. Detachment is a tricky practice. Whether you’re trying to achieve a championship putt or trying to put your crying child to bed, detachment can help us manage our stress.
These are the five basic practices of detachment.
1. Detachment of time.
We live in the here and now, but our stress comes from being helplessly stuck in the past or the future. You hear the voices of your childhood tormentors. Or you can’t stop stressing about your next meeting, deadline, or challenge.
To practice detachment from the past and the future, pay attention to now. The best way to do this is to listen to yourself breathing. Breathing is the body’s reminder of the eternal moment. Conscious breathing brings with it incredible stress release. It’s why swimming, jogging, and meditation can be so healing.
2. Detachment of responsibility.
We think we are responsible for everything. We are not. We can only do so much. One person can certainly make a difference, but martyrdom is not the answer. Sometimes, it feels like no matter what we do, it is never enough and we blame ourselves.
Detachment can also come in the form of trust. Trust others to do their part. Trust the sun to come up tomorrow. Trust others to make mistakes. (They will fix them, too, not you.) Trust in the universe. This is the art of letting go. Practice letting go of your sense of responsibility by putting your faith in a positive universe.
3. Detachment of consequence.
We care so much about the outcome, the winning or the losing, that the stress burns up our insides. Victory and defeat can be the same thing. Success and failure are only temporary conditions. The win/lose paradigm is a sure-fire way to stress ourselves out.
Instead of stressing about outcomes, focus your energies instead on performance. Focus on performing through informed practice. Get a coach to help you practice those essentials skills. If you practice and perform well, the consequences will take care of themselves.
4. Detachment of desire.
Attachment causes suffering. The more you want, the more disappointed you can be. What if you tried not wanting? What if you tried seeing that desire is almost always a function of peer or social pressure. We are social animals: it is natural to want what others want.
But what happens if you practice not wanting what others want? You begin to come free. Start with small things. Do things your own way. Worry less about appearance. To master our desires is to master ourselves. The first step in mastering ourselves is to detach ourselves from the desires of others.
5. Detachment of self.
Much of our stress is ego-related. Our egos are pretty darn sensitive. We desire to be loved. When someone says something critical, we cannot separate the criticism from the person who criticized us. Our egos tell us we must win. We must be successful. Our egos tell us we must own the right things at the right age.
The detachment of self is a huge stress buster. Self-mastery comes through the practice of humility. Detachment teaches us to see the ego, to understand its suffering, and to choose whether to obey its cries.
The five practices of detachment tell us to be attentive to all situations. The attached person can sometimes be swayed and easily manipulated by emotions. The detached person knows that all arguments and positions deserve respect.
Even difficult business and family decisions become easier if we find detachment. Do the research; search out the facts. We know that we are highly emotional creatures; by attempting to practice detachment, we experience our emotions as only one perspective.
We are so much more than individual examples of a species. Detachment may reveal our connection to each other and to our spiritual natures.
The collective stress of our planet seen from the moon looks a lot different than the puny individual stress of a traffic tantrum.
We are not alone in our stress. We are not alone in our caring too much, being too self-absorbed, and too worried about what others think.
When viewed from the distance of the moon, stress changes its intensity.
Instead of seeing ourselves as helplessly locked in a complex world of impossible demands, detachment allows us to see our own humanity.
Like you I have a lot of stress right now. I worry about the planet, the state of our communities. I worry about my job, my kids, my mortgage, and trying to be good.
That is why I practice the five detachments. So I can find balance in my life. So I can see myself and others compassionately, forgive myself and others for not doing more, and make the absolute most of right now.
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First published in the Okanagan Sunday on Feb 19th 2012.



